Category Archives: here and now

body shaming

I hated my body for as long as I can remember. My father body shamed me all the time. I was skinny and tall. Then somebody at school started calling me ‘the skeleton’. I tried to live with all of … Continue reading

Posted in change, child, fool as one can be, here and now, hope, size, tata | 1 Comment

The Irresistible Force met the Unmovable Object

he is too distant. i am too pushy. or too insistent. or i just try too hard. i really liked him. i still do. but is a post too far and i can’t reach it. he just won’t call, or … Continue reading

Posted in failure to launch, fortune cookie of the day, gays do it better, here and now, idiot, out of stock, take the money and run, the irresistible force, the unmovable object, what i want | Leave a comment

compassion

I no longer need compassion. I do need empathy, but not compassion. I will stop behaving like my problems and my pain are bigger and need more attention and compassion. I can soldier through the pain toward natural healing, I can … Continue reading

Posted in change, decision, here and now | Leave a comment

after 7 month and 7 days

i had sex with a man. i drove 10 km from my home to his on a week night. i wanted to experiment. i put myself out and i wanted to observe myself. of course i will analyse my feeling … Continue reading

Posted in here and now, vulnerability, what i want | Leave a comment

my strategy: pre-reject everyone

… including me. that prevents all rejection. and the eventual looser that would like my ugly face and fat body. cause, in the the words of the great margaret chow, ‘if you like me then you are a bigger looser … Continue reading

Posted in alone, down and out, here and now, hope, moderation | Leave a comment

new year’s resolutions

In no particular order: spend more time with my son. he is priority #1 when it comes to men. keep a rigorous diet to get me those elusive 6pack abs keep the course at work (after all i won the … Continue reading

Posted in change, friends, here and now, love | Leave a comment

why i fell out of love for you

right then, after i finished reading all the posts from your blog, the magic was broken forever. i knew right then and there that something is wrong. it took me several month to figure out your games. it was all … Continue reading

Posted in here and now, little bear, love, what i want, why | Leave a comment

it may be the time…

… for me to settle. i did not have much luck with the sex so i figured that i need to give up and look for something else. i still struggle to become mature and as i do that i am beginning to realize the things … Continue reading

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i am a catch

and you know what, i am a damn good catch. but if you want to catch me, you have to chase me.

Posted in here and now | Leave a comment

tom selleck

man, this guy is just hot! i am watching FRIENDS and i can not take my eyes off of him. incidentally, he reminds me of someone i used to find very hot up until recently. and may even still do. the … Continue reading

Posted in gay would do it better, here and now, out of stock | Leave a comment