it may be the time…

… for me to settle. i did not have much luck with the sex so i figured that i need to give up and look for something else. i still struggle to become mature and as i do that i am beginning to realize the things that are real and important. the prospect of living a life alone still scares me. i may not find that one guy that would want to build a life together alongside me. that still scares me. on the other hand if a rationalize it correctly, that may not be all i need. i still have things to learn and things to figure out. it is a strange and amazing process. i still hold back and resist change. i still do not get me. i still do not love myself but on the surface. however, i am there. almost there. this makes feel good about myself ;o) not bad, boy, not bad at all!

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