after 7 month and 7 days

i had sex with a man. i drove 10 km from my home to his on a week night. i wanted to experiment. i put myself out and i wanted to observe myself. of course i will analyse my feeling better next Tuesday in therapy but, just a couple of minutes ago, it occurred to me: i dared to do it. i put myself in a position of vulnerability and i almost won. i say almost because when he insisted that i cum i stopped liking it and him. but that is another story. all in all, i am not there yet, where i can be ok with myself, my sex kinks and even my body, so i decided to resume my abstinence period in order to explore myself more without the pressure of dating and sex. This time though i will also not masturbate because i noticed it deprives me of physical and mental energy. at this time i have no idea when i will attempt to have sex again.