strange sensations

i had a very strange experience last night. it was supposed to be a toy play. i brought my entire collection. but we ended up in a long 69 and then something strange happened. we just held each other and i started sighing, trembling and breathing heavy. and i did not stop. and i loved it. he did not fuck me though i wanted him to. i hope it was because he was tired. most probably he also did not like me. i know i will never see him again. the morning after was alone, cold and awkward. what is the worst that could happen: have some sort of sex and forget about him. he can have any man he wants. all can have any man they want. except me. the abstinance was reset last night. except maybe the anal fuck part that actually scars me the most. and now i feel like nothing happened. alone. empty handed.