Author Archives: xavier_j

Forget you

Posted on February 21, 2015 by xavier_j

… i want, as if you were never born, as if we wouldn’t have met. i am numb, i am sad almost all the time and i miss you. i miss the possibility of us together. i miss your wits, … Continue reading →

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Aftermath

Posted on January 17, 2015 by xavier_j

we reconnected on gayromeo. i was about to close my account when he asked me if i am still single. then he disclosed who he was and i remembered. i said i wanted to meet him. and then i f**ked … Continue reading →

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compassion

Posted on September 22, 2014 by xavier_j

I no longer need compassion. I do need empathy, but not compassion. I will stop behaving like my problems and my pain are bigger and need more attention and compassion. I can soldier through the pain toward natural healing, I can … Continue reading →

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te urasc

Posted on July 27, 2014 by xavier_j

te uras atat de mult! as fi vrut sa fii in viata acum sa pot sa urlu la tine si sa iti spun tot ce ma doare si sa iti spun tot ce mi-ai facut si cum as fi vrut … Continue reading →

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I feel alright

Posted on February 22, 2014 by xavier_j

It is a bit strange. I feel good, I feel I can manage myself. I feel I can manage the good things, get to enjoy them more. I feel I can manage the bad things, the aftermath, the lessons to … Continue reading →

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accept joy and let go of fear

Posted on January 14, 2014 by xavier_j

I got this quote from the golden globes telecast. I think it was Amy Adams or Jennifer Lawrence. I don’t remember exactly. however I think this should be my state of mind from now on. you know, we often forbid … Continue reading →

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Have you seen my chidhood

Posted on January 7, 2014 by xavier_j

I struggle. I struggle to remember my childhood. All I remember is rain, fear, frustration. I never felt good about myself. I always had this doubt that I am not what I am expected to be and that what I … Continue reading →

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Reset

Posted on November 20, 2013 by xavier_j

I am thinking of reset. A reset of me. I’ve been functioning like this for far too long. Almost 41 years. I want to make a change. Big time! Overwhelming! Earth-shattering! Sometime ago I started to wonder if the therapy … Continue reading →

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About a relationship

Posted on June 5, 2013 by xavier_j

… or something like that, that I experimented about two month ago. by some weird coincidence i got to meet this 23 yo. we drunk beer, he a bit more than me and we kissed and we fucked. actually he … Continue reading →

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after 7 month and 7 days

Posted on February 22, 2013 by xavier_j

i had sex with a man. i drove 10 km from my home to his on a week night. i wanted to experiment. i put myself out and i wanted to observe myself. of course i will analyse my feeling … Continue reading →

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