Author Archives: xavier_j

to clear the air

on the subject of my relationships, or lack of: I never had a relationship with a man ever upto today march 9, 2016. there were three attempts and a failure to lauch that just failed today. so I actually have … Continue reading

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Forget you

… i want, as if you were never born, as if we wouldn’t have met. i am numb, i am sad almost all the time and i miss you. i miss the possibility of us together. i miss your wits, … Continue reading

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Aftermath

we reconnected on gayromeo. i was about to close my account when he asked me if i am still single. then he disclosed who he was and i remembered. i said i wanted to meet him. and then i f**ked … Continue reading

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compassion

I no longer need compassion. I do need empathy, but not compassion. I will stop behaving like my problems and my pain are bigger and need more attention and compassion. I can soldier through the pain toward natural healing, I can … Continue reading

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te urasc

te uras atat de mult! as fi vrut sa fii in viata acum sa pot sa urlu la tine si sa iti spun tot ce ma doare si sa iti spun tot ce mi-ai facut si cum as fi vrut … Continue reading

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I feel alright

It is a bit strange. I feel good, I feel I can manage myself. I feel I can manage the good things, get to enjoy them more. I feel I can manage the bad things, the aftermath, the lessons to … Continue reading

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accept joy and let go of fear

I got this quote from the golden globes telecast. I think it was Amy Adams or Jennifer Lawrence. I don’t remember exactly. however I think this should be my state of mind from now on. you know, we often forbid … Continue reading

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Have you seen my chidhood

I struggle. I struggle to remember my childhood. All I remember is rain, fear, frustration. I never felt good about myself. I always had this doubt that I am not what I am expected to be and that what I … Continue reading

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Reset

I am thinking of reset. A reset of me. I’ve been functioning like this for far too long. Almost 41 years. I want to make a change. Big time! Overwhelming! Earth-shattering! Sometime ago I started to wonder if the therapy … Continue reading

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About a relationship

… or something like that, that I experimented about two month ago. by some weird coincidence i got to meet this 23 yo. we drunk beer, he a bit more than me and we kissed and we fucked. actually he … Continue reading

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