body shaming

I hated my body for as long as I can remember. My father body shamed me all the time. I was skinny and tall. Then somebody at school started calling me ‘the skeleton’. I tried to live with all of it but it was hard. At some point I just did not bother and let the shame control me. And I am telling you: it is not the truth. It is all in your head and was put there by somebody else because you did not know better to fight it.
When I was about 7yo I discovered in my father’s library a book about bodybuilding. I was amazed by the pictures of muscular men and I started dreaming of becoming one. Reading the book, I quickly realized
that it was for me a mission almost impossible. My father mentally incapacitated me and managed to make me believe I could not do anything in my
life on my own.
I am 45yo now and this year for the first time in my life I started doing something about it. I worked my ass off for the past two years and I want to continue even if at my age it is an uphill effort. I workout 6 time a week, eat as much as possible and as clean as I can, and I do what it takes. I love bodybuilding. I still have my days when I self-deprecate in front of other people even and I have other days when I discover myself in the mirror and have a rare “aha” moment.
I plan to compete in the fall of 2019 in a local bodybuilding or fitness show. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I am up for it. Even if it started with body shaming, I still love what I do and it gave me a lot of satisfaction. As for body shaming, it doesn’t own me as much as it used to. I am still afraid to show my body as it is far from what I want it to be. But, after all, I am working for it and that’s all that matters.