the sex thing

it’s been a struggle ever since I was a teen. I grew up knowing that sex is something others do, adults at that time. I came of age with the same notion that sex is something that others do and I am not made for it. I am almost 51 yo and I still believe I am not made for sex. for me it is difficult to get, difficult to perform and impossible to enjoy. don’t get me wrong, I did some stuff that could be called sex but I did not enjoy almost any of it. of course, it was the old top or my Persian lover or a couple of bottoms but all in all, sex for me was not good I now I hate it. and there is also the size thing that paralizes me. I really believe I have a small penis and that I can not satisfy anybody with it. I hear this size doesn’t matter slogan and I hate it because I don’t believe it is true. being inept at sex and having a small penis I decided that I will give up on sex altogether. and that means also giving up on dating and any prospect of a relationship. I don’t feel good about sexless relationships and so I will be alone for all time. I have my life full, I have a 19yo son and that is enough. other than sex , I don’t see the need for a man in my life. I have been doing things alone all my life, wasn’t great but i have been moving on so I think I am good.