cum si unde vad eu diversitate in Romania

nu ma prea pricep la scris asa ca o sa spun ce cred eu despre diversitate in Romania asa cum pot.

pai, in primul rand cred ca exista diversitate in Romania. poate nu se vede, dar exista oameni diferiti de majoritatea. fie ca e vorba de etnie, orientare sexuala sau religie, exista diversitate. nu toti cei care sunt diferiti insa aleg sa traiasca in conformitate cu etnia, orientarea su religia lor. acestea sunt niste lucruri date, pe care nu le putem schimba (ok, poate religia, desi pentru unii asta e busola care ii calauzeste in viata si pe care nu ar da-o pe nimic altceva care pretinde ca arata nordul).

eu nu fac parte din nicio minoritate etnic si nu stiu cum e sa fii rrom sau maghiar in Romania. eu sunt homosexual. atunci cand mi-am acceptat orientarea sexuala, acum aproape 3 ani, am ales sa nu ascund acest lucru nimanui. cred, si nu cred ca sunt naiv, ca traiesc intr-o tara si in niste timpuri care fac acest lucru posibil. da, stiu ca cei ca mine sunt tratati inca diferit de restul societatii. stiu ca multi homosexuali se ascund, aleg solutii de compromis, uneori destul de complicate si chiar cu un impact dureros pentru oamnii din viata lor. totul vine din frica. frica de a pierde suportul familiei, frica de a pierde statutul social si economic. frica de singuratate.

as putea spune ca exista o diversitate vizibila si una invizibila. nu poti sa iti ascunzi culoare pielii dar poti sa ascunzi lucrurile pe care le crezi in mintea ta sau le faci la tine acasa.

eu vad diversitata ca pe o sansa de a lua oamenii asa cum sunt si de a primii de la ei tot ceea ce au mai bun de oferit. cred ca Romania are nevoie de oameni diferiti de majoritatea pentru ca Romania nu isi poate permite sa piarda din vedere orice resursa, idee, solutie de oriunde si de la oricine ar veni ea.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

scrisoare catre Julieta

Draga Julieta,
Sunt indragostit! Acum un an l-am vazut pentru prima data dupa ce cu un an inainte ne-am cunoscut online. Pentru mine el are multe din lucrurile pe care mi le doresc de la un barbat. Cred ca de asta m-am indragostit de el. M-am tot gandit la el insa nu am curajul sa ii spun ce simt. Mi-e teama ca va rade, ca va spune nu si eu voi fi ranit. Cred ca toata lumea a aflat deja ca eu il iubesc insa cred ca el nu stie. Apoi el este si mult mai tanar decat mine si imatur.
In cele din urma am hotarat nu ma mai gandesc la el si sa nu ii spun ce simt si ce vreau. Ma tot intreb insa daca decizia mea e buna si daca nu cunva el poate chiar e perechea perfecta iar eu am ales sa nu lupt pentru el.
Spune-mi, Julieta, ce sa fac?
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

it may be the time…

… for me to settle. i did not have much luck with the sex so i figured that i need to give up and look for something else. i still struggle to become mature and as i do that i am beginning to realize the things that are real and important. the prospect of living a life alone still scares me. i may not find that one guy that would want to build a life together alongside me. that still scares me. on the other hand if a rationalize it correctly, that may not be all i need. i still have things to learn and things to figure out. it is a strange and amazing process. i still hold back and resist change. i still do not get me. i still do not love myself but on the surface. however, i am there. almost there. this makes feel good about myself ;o) not bad, boy, not bad at all!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

cheap porn

he got what he wanted. i got what i did not ask for. nothing. he has a big one. 8 in, slightly crooked to the right. i fucked him. he was ok with it. my 6 in went in and pounded his hole till i got tired of doing it, about 2 minutes later. then one false move and my jaw runs into his forehead. awkward moment aside from the momentary pain. then he fucks me. he needs poppers. he offers me to sniff but i say no. he speak words of desire, like ‘ don’t you like it?’ ‘isn’t it good?’ ‘do you want me to fuck you?’ and stuff like that. kissing is out of the question. i try to make a move but it is not reciprocated. i give up. after he cums, he falls on his back and closes his eyes. it is dark in the room. the dog, his dog, a black cocker spaniel, dozes off in an armchair. i start to run my fingers up and down his body. he is ticklish. i stop. i stand up and look for my belongings. the tv shows american psycho. i sit on the bed side to put on my socks. i am blocking the view. so i stand up and continue to dress. i leave. no hard feelings. i feel good about myself. i am ok. i am good.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

who’s loving me?

it is this thing. a superstition or something. every time you look at the clock and it is the exact top of the hour, it is said that somebody loves you. it has happened to me very often lately. and every time i wonder: who’s to love me? it can not be me, as i still do not love me that much. i think i am beginning to see why i need to love myself. maybe i am the one that loves me. or is about to love me. am i changing? am i getting ready to give and receive love? am i finally worthy of love? change is good. change creates opportunities. then, if i love myself, will you love me too? i know i do. love you.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

i am a catch

and you know what, i am a damn good catch. but if you want to catch me, you have to chase me.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

tom selleck

man, this guy is just hot! i am watching FRIENDS and i can not take my eyes off of him. incidentally, he reminds me of someone i used to find very hot up until recently. and may even still do. the eyes, the mouth, the voice, the hair, everything and anything. but enough of it. he is not into me! period.

[later edit] tom selleck is hot also without a mustache.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

with every meet we grow apart

and it pains me to see how powerless i am. and not good enough. and i learnt to love you. with every other day i love you more and the distance between us adds another mile. i know now that i am not able. and i will not. you will not. you do not want to. it frightens me. you frighten me. with every meet i learn about you. something good, something bad. the bad is actually a reflexion of me in you. and because the good never outweights the bad, nothing can be built. you are very intelligent and i am not, you are likable and i am not, you are good and i am bad, you have experience and you do not, you are good in bed and i am not. and i wish i were.

“you’re so big. i can’t bear to be so small. i want to be visible from the moon, like the great wall of china.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

reset

it hurt, i did not enjoy it and he wants to meet me again. he is very sexy, dark completion, very manly and hung. i like him but it was just bad timing. i did not plan for sex and it happened and i was lousy. he started to repeat what he though i would wish/want/need to hear: ‘you are a sexy, handsome man’. it disssapoints me when people feel the need to do that. well, i know my worth very well and you don’t need to lie to me. just shut up. and fuck me, if the case may be. that happened 4 month after the last time i had sex. i was aiming for 6 month. hah, what a joke. reset.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

true love

i was talking with my mom today about love and stuff and she just said to me: “you know, your father and i were in love even after 28 years. you know, after 28 years, he would still tell me ‘mimi, you are so beautiful’ when we were in bed early in the morning?”. i though this must be true love for a life time and i hope i can find it too.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment