Me as Gay Folk | This is to document my life as a gay man. It is also ment to help me get through it and also let people know how and if I made it through.

horny

Posted on January 21, 2011 by xavier_j

i am freaked out. for the past week or so i have been so horny. even at work i could barely bear it. i do not undersrand what is going on. i suspect i may be coming down with something. i feel like fucking in the morning, randomly during rhe day and before bedtime. and the thing is that i can not vet off but only by myself. i rhink that my dick will soon get sore and take an unscheduled maintenance break.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged gay would do it better, out of stock | Leave a comment

Hold my hand

Posted on January 13, 2011 by xavier_j

I keep wondering what is holding me back. I am told that when you like a guy, you go talk to him. Just like that. I say: easier said than done. I am thinking about this and I came to the conclusion that what you say is the important part. But, what do you say? how you break the ice? how you follow? what do you do and say or not say if you get rejected. How important is and how to deal with rejection. Or what you do and say if he expresses interest in you too. Oh, I need not go there. I should first learn to deal with rejection before anything else. I could pick up a guy I know it is not accessible to me. I need to practice.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged love | Leave a comment

self-service sex

Posted on January 6, 2011 by xavier_j

yesterday i had sex with myself in almost 7 month. for the first time i got to appreciate it, besides enjoying it. it occurred to me that it is satisfying, it does not cost much and it is immediate. it is also free from responsibility other than that to yourself. that is in this way totally under your control. you can make it as long as you need it, just the way you need it and the size is always right. and you can circumvent the dating stuff, the boring conversation, the ugly face, his needs, his porn talk during ass fucking or the impossibility to watch porn while doing it. you can stop when you want or need or are done. you can also guilt-free fantasize about any porn star or guy in the street (straight ones included) that you like. thus i made amends with masturbation. well, i would like, once in a while, to hold or be held in bed, to cuddle with a man, but otherwise i am ok by myself.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alone, lifelike self-pleasuring implements | Leave a comment

new year’s resolutions

Posted on December 31, 2010 by xavier_j

In no particular order:

spend more
time with my son. he is priority #1 when it comes to
men.
keep a rigorous diet to get me
those elusive 6pack abs
keep the course at
work (after all i won the award for steadiness in
2010)
think! think! think!
let myself feel
love myself
more
make friends, good friends
tell the truth
do stuff i never did
before and do old stuff in new ways
i really
want to make my bis and tris larger

;o)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged change, friends, here and now, love | Leave a comment

why i fell out of love for you

Posted on December 15, 2010 by xavier_j

right then, after i finished reading all the posts from
your blog, the magic was broken forever. i knew right then and
there that something is wrong. it took me several month to figure
out your games. it was all in front of me but i guess i was not
ready to accept the fact that you were not perfect. at first i
change the subject of the conversation. i said that all i wanted
from you was to have sex with you. that was a lie. i wanted more
than sex. i wanted you all for myself and myself only. that was
unrealistic, i see know. i though at some point that i could help
you change. now i know that is not fair to ask someone to change
just because you need them different. then i hoped you will find me
special and do things differently, maybe fall in love for me. that
was sad. really sad. i did not tell you that i fell for you because
a part of me knew it was in vain. i cried about it here
in many posts dedicated to you in the hope that it will go away.
after a while the wear and tear set in, i guess, and i started to
feel differently about you. i became aware of other things in life
by this time and so it may also have been that i had my mind
occupied. now, this is it. i know better. it is over.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged here and now, little bear, love, what i want, why | Leave a comment

once you go black…

Posted on December 3, 2010 by xavier_j

Man, that thing was big. Thick and maybe a bit too long. And the conversation before the ‘rolling’ was good. The guy is every gay man’s dream: intelligent and hung. As for me, well, I reset the dry period timer after about 6 month. Can not say more. It was maybe too short and not the way I would have wanted it to be. But it ‘was’ and not ‘was not’ so I can not complain.

As for ‘never coming back’, well I think I came back, alive and well to tell the story. My only hope that I can go back there sometime in the future. I thought: what if the guy meant for me is black? And hung? And hadsome? And is smart? Oh, yes, yes, of course I am dreaming.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged size, take the money and run, xxl | 2 Comments

rejection: what to do about it

Posted on October 23, 2010 by xavier_j

nothing. suck it! move on! don’t look back.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alone, out of stock, take the money and run | Leave a comment

rejection: how it’s done

Posted on October 23, 2010 by xavier_j

i have been rejected. almost all the time. from my father who wished i was different, to my mother who wanted a girl, to the last guy that i spoke with. for me the experience was different every time. in some cases was implied, in other it was direct. i must say i prefer the direct rejections. at least i know and i am released to move on. in the past 18 month i was rejected three times. it was somewhat disappointing even if i should have seen them coming. one relationship was setup to fail from the start. it was because he is playing games and i can not do that give my circumstances. the second was my setup. bad, very bad me. the third was an awful misunderstanding followed by a choice that i had to respect and honor. this post is open to later edits as experience in this matter will accumulate.

[edit] should i be worried? i get rejected in a very curious and new way. he invites me to his home and we talk then we kiss and while kissing i am told that we will not be having sex tonight and that he likes me and that when he likes a guy he jumps on him right away. my question is: why doesn’t he jump on me? i am told we will be having sex at a later date then he never calls. thus: i get rejected. what is it with this withholding sex thing? what is wrong with me?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alone, out of stock, take the money and run | Leave a comment

the old fashion way

Posted on June 9, 2010 by xavier_j

As i was entering the movie theater with my girlfriends, i stared for a brief few seconds. he smiled. he was wearing a light blue tshirt with a red heart painted on his chest. the flipflops reveaked some sexy pair of feet. he was cute and good looking even. he smiled back i suppose when he realised i was stearing. well, gay or not gay, it worked. i made a man smile back at me in the street. and not any man, but a really cute one.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged gay would do it better | 2 Comments

love may have been wasted

Posted on May 22, 2010 by xavier_j

what if for the past year i may have been obsesing for the wrong man while the true one may have passed by me into another’s arms and we may have been condmned to a life long unhappiness?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged hope, love | Leave a comment

… what’s important…

… the story so far …