Author Archives: xavier_j

Dead

A little bit into the afternoon, 20 years ago today, my father died. I hated him a lot. I still do. I can never forgive him, let alone forget what he did to me. But the worst part is that … Continue reading

Posted in alone, child, dad, death, decision, failure to launch, idiot, love, out of stock, schizoid personality, signs, tata | Leave a comment

the insecure alpha

don’t hold my hand, don’t touch me and, god forbid, never kiss me in public. you would ask why? well, his rationale is that people seeing us will figure out we are gay and would reckon that i am tye … Continue reading

Posted in idiot, lifelike self-pleasuring implements, take the money and run | Leave a comment

I should keep my mouth shut

The Unmovable Object just moved far far away. And now all I need to do is resist the urge to contact him. That is how he works. But that is how it is not working for me. I need him … Continue reading

Posted in 30-days, bisexual, decision, down and out, failure to launch, the irresistible force, the unmovable object | Leave a comment

body shaming

I hated my body for as long as I can remember. My father body shamed me all the time. I was skinny and tall. Then somebody at school started calling me ‘the skeleton’. I tried to live with all of … Continue reading

Posted in change, child, fool as one can be, here and now, hope, size, tata | 1 Comment

The Irresistible Force met the Unmovable Object

he is too distant. i am too pushy. or too insistent. or i just try too hard. i really liked him. i still do. but is a post too far and i can’t reach it. he just won’t call, or … Continue reading

Posted in failure to launch, fortune cookie of the day, gays do it better, here and now, idiot, out of stock, take the money and run, the irresistible force, the unmovable object, what i want | Leave a comment

You knocked me off my feet

I am falling. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. He’s just not into me. We had sex and it blew my mind. I have no idea how it was for him. We slept together. Like, we took a nap in … Continue reading

Posted in alone, down and out, fool as one can be, love, meaningless coincidences, moderation, out of stock, the irresistible force, the unmovable object, vulnerability | Leave a comment

Meaningless Coincidences

a weekend to remember. filled with meaningless coincidences but relaxed and gay. yeah, he is good looking. ok! he is hot. all right! i fell. i am falling. it will go away. he is not going to call. or text. … Continue reading

Posted in bisexual, failure to launch, fortune cookie of the day, gays do it better, meaningless coincidences, the irresistible force, the unmovable object | Leave a comment

my ex

8 month. to the day. the 5th day of the month. we met. we broke up. I was reluctant. i know i am insecure and sexually unfulfilled so a relationship would have been a disaster. because my mother and my … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

i heart u

the t-shirt. did not see at first. i was way too much into his eyes and smile. our bodies touched for a brief moment and i felt his bulge, actually his erection right on my butt chic. oh, hello! he … Continue reading

Posted in size, take the money and run, things i should not say to *, vulnerability, what i want | Leave a comment

to clear the air

on the subject of my relationships, or lack of: I never had a relationship with a man ever upto today march 9, 2016. there were three attempts and a failure to lauch that just failed today. so I actually have … Continue reading

Posted in alone, failure to launch, fool as one can be, love, out of stock | Leave a comment